Would You Like To Be A Mummy?

I found this on Egyptology News (do NOT ask me what I was doing on that blog).


Have you ever considered leaving behind a long lasting legacy by donating your body to science?

If so, we are seeking someone who would like to be the subject of a scientific documentary that explores mummification: the Ancient Egyptian process that is used to preserve the body.

We are a London based television company producing a documentary on modern mummification for the purposes of scientific research. The documentary will be filmed in the US and Egypt and will focus on an individual who has chosen to have their body embalmed and mummified, or preserved long term, after death.

This is an opportunity to be part of major groundbreaking medical (and ecological) research. And the results of this research will be published in an internationally pre-eminent science magazine, and the story both personal and scientific will be told through the documentary.

LOL.

Hot Chocolate

This is my new friend that has been faithfully accompanying me while I struggle to write THE book of the 21st century. Okay maybe that's going too far, but lately getting any writing done has been a pain.

(I am in in no way associated with Higgins & Burke. I just really like their hot chocolate. Gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. =)

I am the chocolateologist!

It's funny how all my blog addresses are all about food.

Sweet, sugary food.

Tomorrow will be a better day

The prompt for this piece was rather tricky. I struggled quite a bit with the tense, as well as sticking to including all the words.

Random selections by all members rendered the following results:

Starts with: Lately I have been unable to tolerate

Setting: On a blind date

Vocabulary to include: book, quill, pregnant, miniature and wine

Lately I have been unable to tolerate the way my unborn child has been frivolously toying with my emotions.

'It's your hormones, not your child," my gynaecologist tried to explain to me numerous times. All this science stuff never made any sense to me. I wish it had, then at least I would have interpreted the basic functionality of the condom accurately.

Education had always been a tough sell to me. I had failed and dropped out in the ninth grade. I kept promising myself that I would go back to finish, but I had to factor in all that time for procrastination.

I finally agreed to employ some other distraction methods from my bloating belly. My best friend, who goes by her stripper name even on her off days - Hot Cocoa (because of her rich dark complexion) - set me up on a blind date with one of her less greasy clients. He was twelve years my senior, collected ancient miniature dolls and drank only wine. He sounded fancy.

"You'll like 'im. He don't grab like the rest of 'em. He also got a thing for woman with child," she added.

We agree to meet at a nearby Chinese restaurant. He saunters in twenty minutes late - pot bellied, slightly balding and round faced - holding daisies and a souvenir quill pen. I get up to say hello and his gaze is immediately directed towards my blossoming belly.

"Presents for the new mommy," he drawls, spittle forming at the corners of his mouth.

My pregnancy has made me sensitive to strong floral smells so whilst I make a dash for the bathroom, the restaurant manager disposes off the daisies. A post-mortem on the date results in the conclusion that it was a sufficient disaster.

I threw up twice, he tried to desperate grab at me several times each resulting in me slapping his chubby wrist, and finally he managed to get drunk enough to fall off his chair.

I went home that night, made myself a cup of hot cocoa and sat in front of the television stroking my belly. My child was arriving in three months. Ever since I was able to make decisions I seemed to pick the wrong path. The child deserved a real father, and a mother who was not a miserable screw up. I picked up the remaining cocoa and poured it in the sink. I started up the computer and finished the appeal letter for my re-enrolment. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Stephanie

Prompt at Saturday Morning Writers was images of men dressed in effeminate clothing, so naturally, I thought of drag queens. =)

In a confusion of pink smoke, gliter and adrenaline, Stevie gathered up his Renaissance inspired dress and ran off the tiny stage with the crowd roaring and clapping behind him.

He sat down with a relieved sigh in his warm dressing room and closed his eyes. It was his last night performing before he was due for surgery. He opened his eyes and looked in the mirror between the brightly lit bulbs of the dressing table. Stevie was Stephanie every night after nine o clock.

He leaned in further and ran his fingers down his jawline. The masculine face, caked with cheap drugstore foundation, the inch long faux eyelashes, excessive gliter around the eyes, and bright red lipstick - now smudged - rendered him virtually unrecognizable from the boy that once used to play fotball and box professionally. There was no looking back now.

Tomorrow Steviw would morph into Stephanie forever and the eliminated appendate would take with it his past.

Indian Wedding

My very old friend, Dolly, is getting married this entire week (that's right, Indian weddings never end!). This is her Indian wedding in full glory. Amidst all the guests, family, temple staff, can you spot the bride and groom?

The Religion of Chocolateology

Because of my mad obsession for chocolate and my discontent towards religion, I started up my own religion - The Religion of Chocolateology.

Chocolateology is a common religion shared by devout chocolateologists. We are bound by our faith towards chocolate in its purest form, unspoilt by cheap preservatives and blasphemous substitutes.

Our faith centers around endorphins and belief in the happy.Serious chocolatetologists can embark on the journey to Chocoholism several times a year and reach nirvana.

Join me in this wonderful cause!

General Motors Diet

Hips don't lie indeed, so I have decided to embark upon the General Motors diet starting from this Saturday!

The diet is supposed to wash out your toxins and help you lose a few pounds along the way as well. Considering that I'll be spending this whole week at my friend's wedding, I might as well start as soon as I can!

From the information obtained at healthmad.com, the diet goes something like this:

Day One:

I can eat all the fruits I want except for bananas. Works well for me, I don't particularly care for bananas.

Day Two:

I add vegetables today to my diet, but eliminate the fruit. The "cheating" here counts as adding butter or salad dressing.

Day Three:

A mixture of fruit and vegetables. I see myself faltering between day 2 and 3. But I'm telling myself to be strong!!

Day Four

This is pretty crazy because the diet says to eat up to EIGHT bananas and drink THREE glasses of milk. Crazy crazy crazy.

Day Five

This day adds in the lean meat and calls for the additional consumption of six tomatoes. It reminds you politely to increase your water intake by 1/4. I'm going crazy just while reading this!

Day Six

I can eat unlimited amounts of lean meat and vegetables. The diet claims that by this day, I should feel myself getting full pretty quickly too.

Day Seven

Finally finally finally, the end of the race! I can eat brown rice, fruit and vegetables. CARBS!!

Things I CANNOT eat:

Alcohol

Chocolate

Processed food

I can do this!

One Love - Playing for Change

I found another video by Playing for Change. Needless to say, it almost brought tears to my eyes.

Enjoy.

Beer & Sausages

In true German spirit, I swayed from my weekly ritual of writing at Starbucks and headed out to Brotzeit for some good ol' fashioned beer and sausages at 4 in the afternoon.

Cheers! Foam, beer, and big jooosy Gerrrman sausages!

These were HALF portions! Imagine what the full one would look like!

Sexy chick!

The food terrorist